WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THAT ...
Are you really going to let some silly trio of colored lights tell you how to drive your car?
BOZONE n. - The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Cardiologists announced Tuesday that taking one aspirin tablet and a fifth of bourbon daily can "significantly reduce" an individual's awareness of heart attacks.
yet another anchor helping to drag us all down the whirlpool along with it...
product-development specially engineered to match the tastes and habits of the target market--the approximately 220 million members of the American lower and middle class. market research indicated that the typical member of this demographic is a hollow human shell, devoid of hope, ambition and any chance of improving his or her station in life.
the pink that winks and stinks.
People for the Animalistic Treatment of Ethics.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
It may be that some people's existence is only to serve as a warning to others.
Why do riot police like to get to work early? To beat the crowd.
"Oh that's cool, that's my wife's name. Actually, she isn't my wife yet. In fact, we just met." "I'd ask you out if I wasn't so shy."
What is the difference between you and a whore? Whores aren't fat.
What's the difference between marmalade and jam? I can't marmalade my dick up your ass.
Hey, what's the difference between rape and chocolate? You won't be getting chocolate at the end of this date!
What's 18" Long and makes Women scream in the middle of the night? Crib Death.
What do you call a group of black people standing in a farm? Antique farm equipment.
"What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?" "A rape victim"
What is black and never works? Decaf coffee.
Grammar reveals your level of competence and your attention to detail.
My socks are having a party, I was wondering if your pants wanted to come down.
That shirts becoming on you. If I was that close to your tits I'd be cumming too.
"Hey baby, can I smell your feet?" "UH! NO!" "Well then it must be your pussy!"
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
What's the best thing about having sex with twenty five year olds? They're usually at a point in their lives where they're venturing out on their own, so there's less of a chance that someone will report them missing
"Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa. "No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.
A priest and a rabbi see a young boy bend over to tie his shoe. The priest says: "boy, I'd really like to screw that kid" to which the rabbi replied: "out of what?"
How do I know my girlfriend is too young for me? I have to make airplane noises to get my cock in her mouth.
Whats the difference between Jews and Boy Scouts? Boy Scouts come back from camps
What's the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-Qaeda outpost? Hell I don't know, I just fly the drone.
I saw this cute little Thai girl on the bus once. She crossed her legs and I thought Please don't get an erection... please don't get an erection... But she did.
What's worse than putting 12 oysters inside your grandmas pussy? Sucking out 13.
Why is there no black character in the game clue? Because then it would be called solved.
Whats the best part about an Ethiopian blowjob? You know she'll swallow.
A man goes to the doctor requesting birth control for his 10 year old daughter. The doctor surprised, exclaims 'your daughter is 10 years old and she is sexually active?!' He replies 'I wouldn't call it active. She just typically lies there and cries'.
What face does a baby make after one minute in the microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What breaks when you give it to a toddler? Her hips.
So, I was fucking my daughter last night and my wife walked in. She was in shock. I don't know what she was more surprised by - the fact that I was fucking my daughter, or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep it
I was walking down the street the other day. When suddenly I saw a black man with a TV in his arms. Fearing it was mine, I run to my house. But when I got there I was gladly wrong, mine was sitting there polishing my shoes.
What do you call a six year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor. - those kids wanted books, and all they got were empty magazines. I really don't understand Sandy Hook jokes. I guess they are aimed at a younger audience. What do Sandy Hook jokes and Sandy Hook victims have in common? They never get old
I was raping this woman the other night in the park and she was crying 'please think of my children' The kinky bitch.
What's sad about a 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? Cadillac seats 5
What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Park bench can support a family.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What did the woman do when she got back from the battered woman's shelter? The dishes if the bitch knows whats good for her.
Woke up to a surprise blowjob this morning. Guess I better learn to sleep with my mouth closed.
My girlfriend came home last night, crying, inconsolable. She had just gone to the hair salon and they cut her hair WAY too short, like, four inches too short. I said baby, what are you worried about? It'll grow back eventually. I'm the one who has to find a new girlfriend.